omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
4 words: hood of his car
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
