I'm lost and stupid without you.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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