nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
