Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
