it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
