Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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