ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
