Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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