Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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