sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
