we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
