I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
