took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
