The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize