I'm really into asian looking animals
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
