I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
