just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
