all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I cut my penus on the lid.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
