dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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