it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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