he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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