How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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