Umm I'm too high to move.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
