i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I came so hard my ears popped.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
