Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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