I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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