Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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