and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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