i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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