There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
