i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
