You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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