Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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