so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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