drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
