too bad you live with your parents still
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
