3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
