The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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