Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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