I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
