Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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