So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
