Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
