So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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