I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
