She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
