hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
