Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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