You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
