he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
