he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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