guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
