bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
whose parrot is this?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
