Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize