I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
