i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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