Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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