What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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