last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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