Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
