maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
