How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
