i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
