I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
