If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm at about main and main street
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
