Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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