I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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