YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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