i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
