Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
