and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize