i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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