need another drink. this is the easiest way
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
