i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
