Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
