i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
