I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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