Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
