well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
