a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
