Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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