the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
