Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Randomize
