When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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