I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
