I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize