All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize