would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize