i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
