she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
