Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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